The times they are a-changin'

As a mama-in-progress, at any given moment there are a gazillion thoughts running through my mind about bringing a new life into the world. I'm beyond excited! I'm over-the-double-rainbow-excited! The more that my belly begins to grow and the more flutters of movement I feel, the more excited I become. The more my body develops and the baby's growth progresses, and the more I read about what is happening with the little bug's progress each week, the more I am fascinated at the process and in awe of what the human body is capable of. The less "clinical" it is feeling, and the more "there is a human being--a little tiny person emerging" in there. A couple of nights ago I was reading about the process of labor and delivery, and though there is definitely fear and uncertainty that come with it, reading about it makes me feel more at ease about what my body will be able to do.

Most of my fears spring up while I'm trying to fall asleep. And most of the thoughts that I get a bit anxious about are not about caring for a newborn. Though that will certainly come with its own challenges, my fears are more deeply rooted in what challenges lie in our child's future. I'm sure my parents (well, all parents really) faced these same fears as they brought children into a new generation--facing the unknown, changing technology, the state of the ever-changing World. Mostly I think I am terrified of the things that I cannot control. Without getting into the debate of "but are we really in control of anything"--more to the point, it's the outside influences that send me reeling: Violence in schools; Keeping up with technology; The economic and political state of the United States and the rest of the World.

But at the very root of those fears also lies what I think pushed Cory and I into the decision to have a baby. We have always wanted to have children, but we did debate about it now and then too. There's so much that you can be terrified about living in the World that we do. There are horrible things that happen every day. There's so much FOCUS on horrible things. BUT, there also are many, many wonderful things to be thankful for--to celebrate and to experience. And why shouldn't one of those experiences be bringing new life, full of so many possibilities, in the World?

Is it overly optimistic, or even narcissistic to think that we would like to contribute more to our own little corner of the World by doing what we can to raise a caring and compassionate human being? When I look at the community of people that Cory and I are connected to, I just can't help but think that this is one of the most important decisions we have ever made. (Okay, duh!) But also one of the most important things I think we can do to try and perpetuate the kind of community that we would like to see continue in our tiny corner of the World.

I'm sure there will be many things we discover about parenthood that are incredible surprising--even astounding. And I'm sure that will come in both positive and negative ways. It will come with heartache and happiness. There will be lots of discoveries, challenges, changes, laughter, tears. The one thing I am certain of is that we will do the best that we possibly can to make sure our child knows that he/she is loved.