It is what it is.

When something crappy happens, I tend to use that phrase a lot, "It is what it is". I feel like it sums it up really. What can you do about it? Be upset...yes! But freaking out won't help anything. Totally okay to be upset, angry, sad...whatever you might be. But my personal thought tends to lean in the direction that that going upside down bananas over it will not make it any better. Or will it? Sometimes laying low and keeping it to a quiet freak-out session, just doesn't cut it, and bottling up all that crap just tends to let it build and fester and then eventually boil up over the side of the pot, and then you're really in trouble.

I can feel myself starting to boil today...just the start of it. A lot of frustrations just kind of sitting right at the surface, that unless they are tended to, could likely explode all over my kitchen. Now, don't get me wrong. There are billions of people in this world. And there are many many people that are facing far greater challenges minute to minute than I have ever had to face in my life. I am totally aware of that, and sometimes I feel guilty about the things I let bother me for that reason alone. But today, I just feel icky and I need to vent for like two seconds and then maybe I can move on.

I feel like there's always something that steps right into the path of Calhoun goal progress. If we're saving up money for future needs (debt repay, car, kids, a house someday?), then the car explodes, or the dog needs an $800 x-ray. As you know, Cory was laid off in March, right after we moved in to our new place. Luckily he's been temping in my office, and we are hoping maybe the position will turn to a full time permanent gig. Still up in the air, but not looking likely at this point. Now we have found out that the place we're living in is going into foreclosure, so that brings up a whole slew of issues with money, and timing, and will Cory be employed, and please for the Love of GOOOOOD no surprise bills, medical issues, or exploding cars for awhile.

This seems to just have laid the groundwork for the grumpy, which then bleeds into other parts of my life, and then I start to take lots of things really personally and internalize (a lifelong struggle), which just starts this giant loop of negativity. Yuck! The good news is, I am better and better at recognizing it, and I spend less time in the dumps than I did during other times of my life. They are fewer and further between.

Another biggie right now is struggling, as SO many people I know do, with my day job. I have a really good job. It's a great company, and I'm lucky to be employed. But I feel totally stifled. I NEED more time for practicing and preparing auditions, and at the end of the day sometimes I just feel zapped. I feel like I am completely wasting my talents. Not only that, I kind of feel empty. I'm so tired of just praying the week goes by quickly so that Friday will arrive in a flash, when time really is so precious. I want to enjoy as much as I can.

I feel disconnected from our friends lately. Feels like we haven't heard from a lot of peeps in awhile. I know everyone is busy, and has their own things going on in their lives, but sometimes I feel like I have to do a lot of reaching out. It is nice to be reached for too.

Of course, not helping is that I'm toooootally pms-ing, which just intensifies it all. I know it'll pass. But right now I'd really just like to go home, snuggle my puppy, then go for a good long walk along Alki.

Vacation, a long one, coming up soon. Two weeks from today, time for recharging.