Lubba Dubba

Oh Mr. Slim Goodbody...I'm afraid you wouldn't be very proud of my habits lately. Here's the thing. I'm owning up to it. I have resumed some very terrible habits--eating the worst things for my body. Way too much sugar, not enough water, and practically no exercise...except for play time with Lilli. But, that doesn't really count for what I truly need.

I don't feel good. I feel like a giant glob of dough. My clothes don't feel good. I don't feel attractive, or full of energy. I am a slug. Okay, now that the self-deprication is out of the way...

I'm kind of ashamed, honestly. I do think that part of it has been hormonal, but I certainly can NOT attribute it all to that. I know that I love food. I love to eat. I love to try new things. I love to taste. I love coffee and pastries, and all the social time that comes with eating. This has been a life long struggle for me. I had this under good control prior to my pregnancy. But then eating was so difficult while I was pregnant. It was hard to find things that didn't make me nauseous. And the things that didn't make me nauseous up front, certainly didn't settle well in my stomach for long. So that's kind of where the habits started. I started eating anything that was comforting. And then eventually, I was only eating comfort food.

Once Lilli arrived, I did pretty good for the first couple of weeks--lots of veggies and healthy meals. Though my Mom was there doing most of the cooking! Then it became about convenience, convenience, convenience. And then came the sugar. Oh man...the sugar. It truly is a terrible food. So I get into this horrible cycle of feeling bad, and then the food is there to comfort. Yuck. Yuck, yuck, yuck. Not a good cycle to be in.

So, here I find myself with quite an amount of weight to drop again. Mind you, I definitely don't have the 125 pounds I had before. Sorry, I'm not disclosing the amount I need to lose to get back to my goal weight this time. I'm just not ready to share that yet. It's such a mental struggle for me to admit that I need to take some serious steps to better my health once again. I'm frustrated, and dissapointed in myself. Now, I KNOW I CAN DO IT. Don't get me wrong. I have done it before, and I know I can do it again. It's harder this time around, because my time is so much more limited. But it can be done. No...it WILL be done.

I have been saying now for weeks that I need to sit down and write out some goals and a plan. So it's time that I follow through. This is my personal challenge to myself this weekend: To write out some goals and the first steps of a plan to start making the changes I need. I'm putting it here, too, because then I'm publicly acknowledging it, and that will help hold me accountable.

So, there you have it, and away I go. I'll make it a goal to include some updates in my blog as things progress. By this time next year, I hope to be blogging again about my running goals.

I need to make sure I'm as healthy as I can possibly be, so I can be the best possible Mommy to my sweet little Lillibean.